I was really sick this weekend and tried my hardest to use mind over matter and come to work on Monday.
Well that's not completely true. I tried to pamper myself on Sunday by calling over Sarita, my beautician. Sarita and I have a strange relationship from the summer. The first time Neha called her over for me, we could not communicate at all and somehow Sarita left thinking I thought she overcharged me. Since then, even though we sorted this out, she is very curt with me and always on a hurry to get on to her next client.
I just wanted to get a few things done but she insisted that she had come from so far and needed more work to do. I said I would just give her more money but she insisted. Next thing I know, I'm talked into getting a 45 minute hot-oil body massage at the cost of $5.
I can't maintain the wall of distance that you are "supposed" to maintain with the working class in this country. I like talking to cabbies, store owners, parlor ladies etc. Likewise, I couldn't help but ask Sarita about her life. Soon after she explained that she lived with her brother, that she was 25, that she did not have parents, and that she was trying to make money on her own so that she could afford to get married, I understood why people keep up that wall. Aunty came into the room to yet again scold me for not eating her food and noticed that Sarita was over. She sat down and watched a pedicure in action, obviously completely confused as to why it was necessary. I offered Sarita chocolate and dinner as I was feeling lonely in the house wanted to find ways to make her stay longer. She said yes. Then while she was doing my pedicure I gave her the beauty tools my Mom had insisted to take along with me for hygiene's sake. What was I going to do with them anyway? I think Sarita finally understood that I really wanted to be her friend. Soon enough Sarita, Aunty, and I were just sipping tea and chatting. My Indian friends would probably be horrified by this. They are always sleeping or spending time with their families on Sunday, so I was happy to have any sort of company.
Today is Tuesday and I am yet at again at home and working. I don't know what it is that is taking me down, because at the moment it could be a combination of lack of sleep, colder temperatures, one bad food experience, and lack of carbs and protein in my diet. The general weakness is probably from the fact that I am scared to eat because I don't think I can keep anything down. Either way, it is nothing alarming, but it is annoying.
I've spent most of the day in my room editing and revising end-of-project reports for Futures Group. Right now I'm taking a break from going through a Mobile Medical Unit report from Jharkhand. It's pretty impressive how Futures Group has implemented a fixed-day van system in the horrible terrain of these states to deliver dependable health services.
My roommate, Yanne, from Finland seems to have also chosen to work at home. My other roommate, Oliver, from Germany is rarely around. I don't really enjoy my house anymore. I've become the only person that communicates with the servants and therefore has to manage them, I feel like I am suffocated by Aunty and her annoyance that I don't eat her food everyday, and I can't find it in me to make an effort to befriend my two housemates. I'm sure they are both really nice, but Oliver is a very executive businessman that wants to correct everything I say and Yanne doesn't really speak unless spoken to. I think all three of us live in this house out of necessity. If I'm not out of the house, I'm usually in my room. I miss the way this house was in the summer. It was just three girls lounging about. With the construction and wedding hall on my street, the congestion to get to my house, and now the not so wonderful living arrangement, I think I am ready to give up on this place and it's charm. Having a cook and a nicely done up house isn't going to keep me here. I'm currently searching for places to move to.
The house owner, Neha, is currently starting an NGO in Bhopal for vocational education of the underprivileged. I asked her when I first arrived in India how she managed to finance and run an NGO. She claims that due to her family's influence and connection to the Chief Minister of Madhya Pradesh, she will easily win grants. I then congratulated her on doing something altruistic and she corrected me and said she was doing it for the money. (For the money? What money do you make off of an NGO?) She then explained she would retain 30% of her donations and fudge her paperwork so that it looked like it went towards supplies and resources. She explained this to me as though this was some kind of intelligent business idea that I should know of. I think it's disgraceful and corrupt. I haven't brought it up with her since. Neha and I used to be a lot friendlier, but of late I don't have much to say to her.
Sometimes there is a side of India that disheartens me. While I've expressed in so many entries that people are so generous and warm; they are just as equally cunning, emotionless, or irritated by overly friendly people. My landlady/roommate, my official supervisor, and a few girls in my social group are perfect examples of this. Maybe it is just the world of business or the world of getting by... or maybe it's Indian women!
Aunty just asked me if I could help her find a laptop to buy for her son. She looked at my Macbook Pro and asked me how much I spent on it. I didn't have the heart to tell her so I said I didn't know. She said she would happily buy something old or used if that lowered the cost. Where I am going to find a laptop of all things that a cook that gets paid less than $40 a month can afford, I have no idea.
I got an email today from my boss at Hopkins asking me to consider the idea of staying in India for longer. He will pay me if I say yes. His timing could not be worse.
Today is not a good India day.
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